My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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