Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize