At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize