You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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There's always time for handjobs
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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