im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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