I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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