Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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