I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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