I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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