Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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