I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize