Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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