so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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