Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize