70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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