Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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