Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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