saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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