I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize