Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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