2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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