The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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