The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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