If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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