Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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