Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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