YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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