If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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