Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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