When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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