Come see our sink grown plant.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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