didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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