Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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