She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it penis luge time yet?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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