what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize