I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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