cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
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he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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