So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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