My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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