If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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