Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize