I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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