Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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