i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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