let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize