How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What a dumb baby whore.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize