I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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