It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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