The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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