Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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